i think my mom watched the whole time
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
