You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
