Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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