I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
