We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
