The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
