OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
