i love accidental penises.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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