It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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