I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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