Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
