i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
