The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
