Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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