I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
