as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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