Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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