Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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