You made me cry and you don't even care
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
