the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
