Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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