Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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