Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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