Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
