it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize