Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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