Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
