I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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