ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
