if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
