the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
