I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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