I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
