Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.

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(619): View more from California

Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me

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(720): View more from Colorado

You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested

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(714): View more from California

sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??

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(618): View more from Illinois

It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.

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