Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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