so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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