I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In other news, I just burned my penis
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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