I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize