...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
