but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
