I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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