he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
