Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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