was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
