Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
