so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
