When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
