he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
