tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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