If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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