clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My vagina just recognized that song.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
