it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
