is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
