WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
