Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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