My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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