I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
