This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
