I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
