the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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