My hand turned me down
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
