im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
