My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
