you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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