Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
