dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
