just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
